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This article is part of the FT Globetrotter's guide to London
“The thing is,” admits our gorgeous, six-foot-tall hostess Rainbow, sporting a huge red wig along the roof of the carriage, “we're doing a cabaret on a train. You have to lean in or it's going to be a long night.”
It's not clear whether the instructions are intended physically – the burlesque dancer will soon be performing splits in the aisle – or mentally, as I do both immediately. I'm a cabaret performer's best friend, laughing uproariously, reacting performatively to every move. No one has ever been so happy with close-up magic (it's not difficult: I really like magic shows).
If we had to pinpoint a uniquely British approach to entertainment, a quality that separates this nation from the rest, it would certainly be our eagerness to willingly suspend disbelief. What other demographic would so eagerly abandon its core values of awkward self-consciousness to scream “It's behind you” at a great theater actor who wears pants and drops double entendres like hard-boiled candy being tossed down the hall?
In fact, a closed nation capable of returning to nursery at any moment in the name of entertainment seems to sum up a certain era of British life. And what better place to recreate it than a restored 1920s luxury train?
The Carriage Club is a high-concept bet from the Belmond British Pullman train, which generally manages a quieter experience than its flashier continental sibling the Orient Express – for those who like a little more Poirot than Miss Marple, and in Derbyshire rather than Eastern Europe. A trip to Chatsworth or Bath, perhaps, or afternoon tea with delicious champagne. But this new experience, starting from May and a collaboration with Private Drama Events, an immersive theater company, is something quite a bit more whimsical: a glamorous 1930s-inspired dinner and show on an evening train, from London Victoria station to Kent And return, with the aim of creating an atmosphere of excess in the camp. Like any other immersive experience, it will be as painful and enjoyable as you allow it to be.
As a masked veteran of Macbeth/vertigo fever dreams, Sleep No More, and an evening spent in a disused office building in Camden pretending to be a member of the 1979 Labor government, I flatter myself as a professional. But there are, at first glance, difficult elements. Personally, I find few traditions more British than dressing up to sip Kentish wine while laughing at some silliness straight out of Sixth Ward. The sentiment falls somewhere between Wes Anderson (who designed the wagon we're sitting in) and slapstick comedian Les Dawson, and they're surprisingly successful, perhaps because of the conspiratorial approach. You may think you can't handle the intimacy of a seated tarot reading, but surrounded by an old-fashioned sense of glamor and occasion, it feels like the perfect combination of wholesome and somewhat daring. It helps that the tarot reader, the Red Queen, is scathingly funny, and that the shrieks of joy she generates among the tables of six friends behind us compel even my companion, the least willing participant in the history of theater, to join in.
Last year, my sister and I fulfilled our lifelong dream of a little trip on the Orient Express, and there comes a key moment where no matter how much you want to love this ride, you wonder whether you will love it or not. He could justify spending that kind of money on a two-day train trip. How do you not feel like an idiot? It must be a little nifty right? A bit exaggerated?
mistake. Because what distinguishes Belmond trains is the staff. People who have been walking these aisles since the Countess picked up her first arsenic. They love their jobs, are very proud of their historically significant luxury vehicles, and are full of facts about where you are, and why it is special. On the Orient Express, a train director sat with us for several minutes to explain to us exactly where we should stand to see a church rising above our heads, which, because of the Swiss Alps unfolding around us like a start-level event, we would see four minutes later below us from the side. The other of the train. Unlike National Trust volunteers, they wait to be asked.
The same applies to the British Pullman. Keith, head of transportation, will explain the grafting method. Keith will tell you why you are in the special camper. Keith will inspire you to look for hidden symbols in the decor. Keith also ensures that you consume the perfect amount of champagne to still be able to see her while she somehow serves you an immaculate five-course dinner without incident. If the 1930s-inspired food service has been slightly compromised by a mime, it doesn't matter because Kent Chardonnay, shrimp cocktail and lobster will always outperform two dueling dancers and a gunshot from the next cart. I strongly believe that Keith has lived many lives and on this absolutely crazy and riotous evening he is here to make sure everyone gets home safe.
I may have previously worried that the British Pullman was a relative of the Belmond family, a train that had never witnessed a murder. But the combination of talented artists being silly and a sincere dedication to showing you a good time is overwhelming. When you step off your 4.5-hour tour and head onto Victoria Station's suddenly uneven platform to head home and laugh with your new best friends, you wonder if there could be a more enjoyable evening within the South Eastern network.
Janine Gibson was a guest at the Belmond British Pullman Hotel. Carriage Club starts May 31st; Prices start from £545 per passenger
Tell us about any immersive theater you've tried in the comments below. And follow the FT Globetrotter on Instagram at @FTGlobetrotter
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